Life is too complex for anyone to think they always have the answer. A coach is a necessary part of accelerated learning – and being coached is all about learning from another. Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Good advice, but how do I get a coach? I know I need coaching in some aspects of my life, but how do I go about getting one?
Before I just give you the rules, I want you to know why they work. A world-class musician once said to the daughter of someone he coached:
“Do you know what I like so much about your dad? He’s not always trying to show me how good he is.”
That very personal comment is just the tip of the iceberg, here are a few more relevant words of wisdom:
“Sit next to the smartest kid in class and you’ll learn the most”
“Everybody in the world knows something you don’t, if you learn to ask the right questions, they can teach you”
“Find the one thing you can extract from another, and ask politely enough so that you can actually learn it … something will rub off”
“Get close to someone who is much better than you are and pay attention”
“Work with someone better than you and don’t be afraid of it”
“Try to learn things you’ve never tried before. You may not like it, but you will know for certain you don’t like it”
“Don’t force your will. It’s letting go of the wanting that can make learning happen”
“If you’re the biggest fish in the tank, you’re never going to learn anything – you’re just going to end up eating everyone else!”
That’s a heck of a lesson! In order to get a coach, two things have to happen; you have to first submit to a subordinate role in the relationship – you know less than they do about the subject in question, so act accordingly. Then just follow a few simple rules of invitation – the coach is not out looking for you. Learning to respectfully invite guidance is all it takes– but there are rules:
- Show what you don’t know – get over yourself
- Get close to the best
- Ask politely
- Pay attention
- Let go of fear and ego
The heart of this lesson lies in inviting someone to coach you. Whether you identify the coach, or if the organization provides them – invite them properly. Ask politely, ask for help and leverage empathy over your ego. This is the foundation of life’s critical decisions (at least all the good ones). Swapping ego for empathy, a successful invitation to a coach takes only subordination of ego to empathic connection. It costs nothing and returns so much. Inviting unlocks the magic of learning from others to ignite your learning quest.
-Don Brown
Don Brown dedicates his career to ‘helping people with people’ in leadership, sales and customer service. Bilingual and experienced at the executive and line-level alike, you see the results of his work across dozens of industries, including brewing, automotive, airline, banking and medical equipment.
Speaking, writing, coaching and selling to the best – Ford Motor Company, Anheuser-Busch, United Airlines, Harley-Davidson, Jaguar Cars, Hilton Hotels and many, many more – Don takes great pride in long-standing customer relationships (some running well over twenty years).
